Preperation

I was in a meeting with my insurance agent this past week who also used to be my neighbor when Stephen was a little boy up until we moved when Stephen when was 6 years old. Of course we talked about the shock of his sudden death and how sorry he was for our loss since he is a father of 2 boys himself. As we were talking about this I made the comment, "you can never prepare yourself for something like this"! He agreed and reiterated just how sorry he was for our loss.
Well I got thinking about this conversation and my comment about not being able to prepare yourself for an incident like this and I started reflecting about my faith as well as Stephens faith. As Christians we believe that our time on earth is a precursor to an eternity in heaven, so aren't we always preparing to for that day? I thought about this awhile and realized Stephen was preparing himself to enter the kingdom of heaven by his actions and deeds here on earth. Although we never know when that day comes we are taught to always prepare ourselves and be ready for the time the our Father calls us home. The book of John tells us in chapter 14:

John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

I believe that there must have been a room for Stephen as he was called home, his work here must have been done and he is on to a greater cause. Darla and I still go through the range of emotions from angry to sad and every emotion in between. The funny thing about the grieving process is that you cannot treat it like a check list. You cannot look at it and say; ok I am done being angry and I am on to denial or acceptance. This just does not work, just when you think you have met a milestone something takes you back to square one, just as you can go from square one to somewhere close to acceptance. I don't think Darla and I will ever fully excuse god from taking our Stephen away from us, robbing us of college graduation, career, wedding, grandchildren, and etc. However, since he is the only one that knows the "Whole Picture" I am sure he is ok with that. You cannot help but feel cheated, Stephen was cheated out of 60 or so years of living on this earth but as he prepared for eternity 60 years is a short time.

We will always be left wondering what could have been especially as we see classmates meeting these milestones in their lives. That is where anger and disbelief pop their heads back into your life. 

I know that I need to prepare myself for the day that I get reunited with Stephen by emulating the goodness that he did in his short time. I believe that God is holding him in the palm of his hand and that he is waiting there for all of us to rejoin him. 

Still there will not be a day while Darla and I are on this earth that we will stop thinking of Stephen, and yes the sting may lessen but I cannot believe that a tear won't be shed daily as well as smile thinking of number 7!

Missing you every day!

Dad